Directions for the husband while I take a rare weekend away

I'm going on a cruise next week!  I am so excited!  Husband is taking time off work to take care of our precious children.  The following is the list of daily activities I made for him while I am gone. 

12/12 Thursday

Mom leaves at 8:00 a.m.  Please distract the children while I am attempting to leave.  They will cry and cling to me and I don't need that kind of guilt before my trip.  Tell them I am at a meeting whenever they ask for me.  For some reason, adults going to meetings seem to calm them down.

Big kids:  9:30 a.m. study group at Panera. Give them a check for $60 for Spanish teacher because I forgot it last week, actually I remembered but was too lazy to write it when I remembered.  They will get a ride home from April’s dad (they will arrive home around 5:00). Remind 13 year old to bring his Spanish book because if you don't, he will conveniently forget.  Also, smell both kids and make sure they don’t stink. One or two will probably stink, make them go back and shower/put on deodorant and brush teeth and hair.  Make sure they eat something other than an apple for breakfast and that they pack a lunch.  Check their lunches because they will most likely just put another apple in a bag. 

5 year old:  Co-op at the Y 10:00-12:00.  Make sure he is wearing underwear (he won't be, you have to bribe him to put some on). Girl goes to child watch.  She does not like to go, you have to get there early and bribe her with something awesome like a donut, or candy or possibly a pink pony.  Boys class is in the same building as gymnastics.  Bring a water bottle for him.  You have to stay and help.  Also bring a bag of Beef Jerky for the homeless bag (don't ask). If you think of it, you can fill up the large thermos with coffee for the other moms.  They will love you and think you are a good man.  Not that they wouldn't think you are a good man anyway.  I totally have not been speaking bad about you.

5 year old:  3:00 speech therapy.  Sanitize both kids well afterwards because there are all sorts of stinky, sick kids there.  Sing loudly to them in the car on the way there and back because if you don't, they will fall asleep and then stay awake until midnight.  You can't sing songs with the real lyrics either, you have to make up weird lyrics to popular tunes.  If you throw the words cotton candy, poop and tooting in the lyrics then you will totally keep them awake.

Fit homeschooling in wherever you can.

12/13 Friday

11:30- Play called Holiday Heroes with little kids.  Be there fifteen minutes early.  Directions are attached.  Heather is your contact, tickets are already paid for.  Genevieve will be there too but she might act like she doesn’t know you for fear of you leaving the kids with her.

2:00-5:00- 13 year old works.  You drop him off and pick him up.  Make sure he doesn’t stink.

6:30-8:30- Kids craft night.    Little kids are selling blinged gloves (in plastic bag attached).  $2 a pair.  15 year old and his friend are selling baked goods.  Bring cash for little kids to buy gifts for the family.  They will want to buy stupid things, make sure they buy non-stupid things.

Do homeschooling when you can fit it in.

12/14 Saturday – 13 year old CAP awards banquet 12:00-2:00 in the museum on the base.  $5 each, pick up his girlfriend on the way. Make sure he doesn’t stink.  He will be testing after so bring all appropriate uniforms (you know about this military attire, I do not so I have nothing attached).  His camp application is attached. This MUST be faxed in no later than Monday!

Give 5 year old boy his chemo.  Give him anti nausea pill a few hours before and another before he goes to sleep.  Put a vomit bucket next to his bed just in case.

12/15 Sunday – Give boy ½ pill leucovor in morning and another anti nausea pill.

Nothing else for Sunday!  You can use this free time to clean the house, wash the towels, do the laundry and make some freezer meals to be re-heated during the holidays.

12/16 Monday- 10:00 little kids have gymnastics.  The girl will want to dress wildly innapropriately.  You must force her to wear shorts or sweat pants over her leotard.  She will not want to.  I suggest bribing her with a purple pony. Both kids will be excited about going but when you get there they will refuse to go out on the floor because it seems that they suddenly develop some sort of gymnastics phobia.  Do not give in and leave because they will cry for the rest of the day that you didn't let them go to gymnastics.  They are weird jerks in this manner and I suspect a little insane.  Bribes and/or threats work well.  Make sure they sanitize well afterward because those other kids are nasty.

1:00- Speech therapy.  Remind kids that when they enter the building, it is not a competition to get to the top of the stairs first, they are not to stack pillows on top of random children in the playroom, play behind the playroom door or close the playroom door. (Trust me, if you don’t remind them of these things they will do all of the above). Oh, and screaming is frowned upon by the people that work there (that includes the kids screaming and your screaming…not that I ever scream).

Homeschooling when you get home.

OK, I will arrive home that night. Please have a 4 course dinner waiting for me, ironed pj’s on the bed and a dark chocolate truffle on my pillow.

Oh, we also have a dog…..I’m sure you will remember to feed and water him but thought I would mention it just in case.  If you could also give him a bath that would be awesome.  And house train him please because I can’t seem to figure out how to do that.

Have fun!  You are awesome!  This is totally easy!  You will have lots of free time to do your projects! I love you!

 

 

My poor, confused farm animals. Part 2

5 long weeks ago we added 2 itty bitty baby pgymy goats to our little farm family.  They were just 1 week old at the time and standing on their tippy hooves reached as high as my mid calf.  They both comfortably fit in my cat carrier with room to move, yes they melted hearts.  At home, I had bottles ready, an area in our media room set up for their comfort and eager children waiting to love on the little sweet critters.
Little did I know the living nightmare that would begin.
This is what I have since learned about baby goats from wiser, more experienced goat owners:
"With goat kids, you have livestock and you have dead stock.  It's 50/50 which way they'll go." From the owner of our local feed supply store and dairy farmer.  At the time I thought that was a terribly mean thing to say. I also thought it was funny.  I have since learned it is completely accurate and not at all funny.  Sigh.
"It don't matter what kind of milk replacer you give them, you'll wake up one morning and might find one of 'em dead anyway. You never know with goat kids." The cashier at another local feed supply store.
And my favorite, which seems to sum up my experience over the last 5 weeks:
"Baby goats are born wanting to die." From a local homeschool mom and experienced goat owner.
Here is a quick recap of what I have learned and have done in the last 5 weeks:
-Bottle fed every 2-3 hours goats that did not want to be fed.
Step 1: Pry open little mouth. 
Step 2: Insert Nipple.
Step 3: Little goat chews on nipple in disgust then spits it out.
Step 4: Milk spills all over me. 
Step 5: Repeat.
-Learn to tube little goats because of the above scenario. I will spare you the details.
-Give shots of antibiotics to little goats that had pneumonia.  I have never given shots to anything in my life.  Step 1: Find safe spot to hide shots so human kids cannot access them.
Step 2: Take lid off shot.
Step 3: Hyperventilate about giving shot. 
Step 4: Hold little goat tightly against my body. This freaks goat out.
Step 5: Insert needle, goat screams one of the saddest sounds I have ever heard.  I freak out and drop needle.  I freak out again and wonder if it is OK to re-insert the needle since it has already been iserted once.
Step 6: Repeat but keep needle in goat, I scream along with the goat.  Put goat down, put lid back on shot.  Wrap shot up in lots of paper towels, put it in large trash container outside and freak out wondering if that is against the law. 
Step 7:  Watch little goat for next 1/2 hour, freaking out that I hit a vital organ and it is going to die.
Step 8:  Freak out that maybe I didn't even get the shot in the skin, that maybe the needle went through one side of the skin and out the other.
-Give shots of steroids to little goats because their back legs stopped working due to some joint issue.  Repeat of above scenario.  Only this time, I managed to give part of the shot to myself.  Great, I now have goat antibiotics and steroids in me.
-Give eye drops to little goat 4 times a day for an ulcer that developed in its eye and caused it to go blind. 
I think it is safe to say at this point my little goats are not organic goats.
After 6 vet visits, 2 terrible nights with one of the goats on my lap in a heating blanket with me tubing it and doing everything else I had learned over the previous weeks it finally had a seizure and died.  Not good times, not at all.
Now, we have one little goat left that is doing great.  Of course, we are so paranoid of anything happening to her that we watch her constantly and have unfortunately pampered her a bit too much.  That leads me to my current problem. 
The goat does not realize she is a goat.  She thinks she is a human.  How do I know this?  Well, she is 6 weeks old and at this point should be eating alfalfa, eating goat food and transitioning to being outside with the other animals. 
Not happening.
The goat is addicted to her bottle and refuses to ingest anything other than her precious milk.  Yes, we have a goat that won't eat like a goat!  No weeds for her, no yummy shirt sleeves, no carrot tops or cheerio treats.  We have tried introducing her to the other goats so they can teach her how to be a goat.  The only thing that has accomplished is the baby goat running up to them, jumping off their backs like they are some sort of wall trampoline and when she becomes bored with them or they get annoyed enough with her and  head butt her out of the way she screams for us to come get her. 
I have tried watering down her milk.  She is OK with that but only asks for more.  I have turned off the space heater that I have been using to keep her warm at night  (don't judge me).  I have stopped letting her follow me around the house (again, don't judge me). 
Admittedly, I have no idea how to wean anything from a bottle.  My human babies didn't get bottles so this is all new to me.  Plus, my human babies nursed for a lot longer than the average American human baby nurses so I am prone to allowing a natural led weaning thing happen.  The problem here is that I don't have a wet nurse for the goat and I am on my last gallon of raw goat milk. When it is gone, there is no more milk for the goat.  I don't want to give it a formula so it needs to figure out how to eat some hay and goat food fast.
I have gone online to find out what other people do to get their baby goats outside and here are my solutions from which to choose:
1.  Get another goat:  Note the 6 vet visits above.  Any money we might have had for another goat is with the vet.  Plus, we have 2 goats. The online advice is to get another baby goat.  Oh hahahaha.  NO.
2.  Make a jacket for her out of an old sweatshirt so she will be warm at night.  Um, what is it with internet people wanting me to put clothing on my farm animals?  With the exception of horse blankets, I have never seen farm animals wearing clothes.  Am I missing something?
3.  Keep her in the house until she is much older.  No, she is getting bigger and can jump on the table in a single leap.  I don't allow my human kids on the table, why would I allow a goat kid on the table?  Plus, she smells like a goat!  I am ready for the goat to go outside where she belongs.
OK, need some real advice here!

My poor, confused farm animals. Part 1

Remember the little white duckling that my dear husband brought home so many months ago? I searched until I found its soul mate in the form of a beautiful black duckling.  The two were meant for each other and are attached at the hip.  We  assumed that the black duck was the male because the nice woman at the duck store told us that his quack was deep and that meant he was a male. The white duck seemed to quack in a higher pitch so we have assumed that she was the female.  We were wrong. 
OK, do you also remember how the little white duckling was confused when she was a sweet little fluffy thing and thought she was a chicken?  Of course you do, my dear husband had to sing to her his version of "you're not a chicken, you're a duck."  Well, we thought she understood her place in the world after his song.  We were wrong.
It turns out that our sweet little duckling is actually the male (we still don't know what the black duck is, we do know he is a duck but as to his gender...that is still questionable).  How do we know the little white duck is a male?  Well, he has taking a liking to the hens. That's right, he prefers the cute chickens over his duck mate. I found this out while I was eating lunch a few days ago.  There I sat, enjoying my lunch and watching the serenity of the farm life.  Next thing I knew, the chickens started squawking, the goats were running around looking like they were on high alert for a predator, the pig made her usual high pitched squeal that I am sure will break glass some day.  As I watched, one of our poor hens was being "loved on" by that white duck.  For those of you who have ever seen ducks mate, you know how brutal it looks, it looks even more brutal when it is happening between a duck and a chicken.  Alarmed, I immediately ran to the internet to find out why my duck would take a fancy to the hens.
Of course, the internet is never a source of good news.  I found out that with their different anatomy, my poor hens could die if I let the behavior continue.  I now have 3 options:
1.  Get a rooster.  Apparently, the rooster will show the duck who is boss and keep the barnyard species in order.  Cons: I will have a rooster.
2.  Separate the ducks from the rest of the animals.  Cons: I don't have anywhere else to put the ducks. I tried putting them in the garden after witnessing the first assault but they quickly escaped.  They have since been locked up in their coop but that is not a permanent solution.
3.  According to my internet sources there are little apron type clothes I can make for the hens that will prevent the duck from doing any damage.  Cons: My chickens will be wearing clothes.
Surely there must be another solution that my city brain cannot find.  Please someone, somewhere give me the answer!

Something Is Bugging Me

Wanting to have organic eggs from our hens, we buy them organic chicken feed. This is not easy to do.  There are 2 stores in the area that sell organic hen feed. One is about 1/2 hour from my house and the other is about an hour away.  One would think I would prefer going to the store closest to my house but I am afraid of the cashier so I choose to go to the store an hour away.  OK, why am I afraid of the cashier?  She is mean.  Here is an almost verbatim conversation I had with her when I bought my first bag of feed there:

Me: After looking around the store and not seeing organic chicken feed anywhere, I approach the register and ask if they carry organic feed.
Cashier: "Ya."
Me: "Where can I find it?"
Cashier: "Duh! The feed room!"  Said with lots of attitude and sarcasm.
Me: "Pretend that I have never been here and don't know where or what the feed room is, actually don't pretend because I have never been here and don't know what or where the feed room is."
Cashier: Rolling her eyes.."Like, it's behind me and out the back."
Me: "OK, so can I just walk to the feed room and buy the feed there."
Cashier: Rolling her eyes..."Like, noooo.  You buy it here then get it from the feed room, duh."
Me:  Attempting to not throttle the girl..."Well, I would like to buy some organic feed then."
Cashier: Stares at me and says nothing.
Me:  Stare back and wonder if I am on Candid Camera.
Cashier:  "Well,  like, how much do you want?"
Me:  "How much do you have? What are the options? Do you have a list?"
Cashier:  Looking at me like I am the biggest idiot she has ever met, slowly pulls a list from the register and hands it to me while rolling her eyes.
Me: "I'll take a 25 pound bag." 
Cashier:  Moves to a different stool, pulls out a nail file and starts filing her nails.
Me:  Wondering if I should slowly back out of the store.
A nice young man walks to the register and asks if I have been helped yet.
I am not sure how to answer this question.
Me: "I would like a 25 pound bag of organic feed."
Cashier: Rings me up and tells me to pull my car around back to have the feed loaded.  This is new information.
I do not want to go back to this store for what I hope are obvious reasons.  So, I drive an hour every few months to buy chicken feed (I now buy 50 pound bags so I don't have to drive as often).

OK, so I drive to my hour away feed store and buy my 50 pound bag of organic feed.  Drive an hour home, open the back of my car and discover the bag completely covered in mites, along with the entire back of my car.  I triple bag the feed and haul it to the curb.  I call the store and explain the situation to them, they agree that they don't want the feed back in their store and tell me to come back the next day and they will give me a new bag.  I then hurry to the industrial car vacuum place and spend an hour thoroughly cleaning my car to make sure there are no mites.
The next day, I drive an hour back to the feed store.  I ask the to open the bag before loading it into my car and discover that not only is it full of mites but also infested with at least 3 other types of insects.  The guy who opened the bag looks squeamish and quickly drops the bag.  He tells me that was their last bag of organic feed and it must be because of the drought that they are infested.  OK.
My poor chickens have now been without feed for 3 days so I drive to the dreaded store 1/2 hour from my house.  Hooray! The mean cashier is not there.  Instead is a very nice 4H looking kind of kid that is very helpful.  I explain about the mites and he tells me that the feed he buys for his beef (that's right, not his cattle or cows or bovine, but his beef) often has mites and to lay it out in the sun for a few days to kill the mites.  I wonder how on earth I am suppose to lay 50 pounds of feed out in the sun without every bird in the neighborhood devouring it but decide not to ask because I don't want to appear ignorant in this country store that already intimidates me. 
We inspect the feed together and find it to be mite and bug free.  I also buy some food for the pig.
I get home, feed the chickens who don't seem all that hungry.  My 13 year old opens the pig food and screams.  It is full of weavels.  I know all about weavels.  A few years after being married, my husbands' wonderful and sweet grandmother came to our house for a visit.  She decided to bake and when she opened my bag of flour, discovered it full of weavels.  She showed it to me and explained that I should never bake with weavels (trust me, I wasn't planning on it).  I was too embarassed to tell her that the bag of flour was 4 years old.
Well, I call the feed store to explain the situation.  The man answers the phone with a deep Texas drawl and a "Howdy."  I tell him about the weavels and he says nothing.  I then ask what time they close so I can exchange the bag.  He says "Huh... you want to return the feed?"  I tell him, "Well, I did want to return the feed. All the way up to the point where you said 'huh.' Now I am not so sure what I am suppose to do."  He is silent so I hang up.  I return to the store with the pig food full of weavels.  A different 4H looking kid is there and happily exchanges the bag for me.  He goes on to tell me it must be full of bugs because of the drought.  OK.  I ask him to open the bag and I dig through it as far as possible and find it to be weavel free.
I return home, the 13 year old opens the bag and screams again.  I look inside.......yup.....full of weavels. 
I give up and tell him the protein will be good for the pig but to feed her outside.
The next day the 13 year old informs me that all of the weavels inside the bag have died. 
Must be the drought.

A Homeschooling Day in our house

Tomorrow is our first day of school. I like to start the day after Labor Day because it feels natural to start then and seems to make sense to me.  Since I have 4 kids in different grades and stages of life, it can get a bit complicated making homeschooling work day to day but I think I have it all figured out (at least I hope so).  Let's start with the little kids, mainly with the 3 year old since the 23 month old is usually napping during our school time. As a former preschool teacher, I feel pretty confident in planning his curriculum and have a lot of fun with it. He is excited to learn and readily participates in whatever activity I have planned. 
1. We start preschool time writing his "plan" on the whiteboard.
       THE PLAN FOR TUESDAY:
       1. Circle Time: calendar, weather, songs, book
       2. Reading Lesson
       3. Art
       4. Workbook
2. Our theme for September is Learning About Ourselves. The theme for this week is Getting to Know Me
3.   Circle Time
      1. I start circle time with the Good Morning Song in English, Spanish and Japanese:
            Good Morning, Good Morning
            How Are You? How Are You?
            Very Well Thank You, Very Well Thank You.
            How About You? How About You?

            Buenos Dias, Buenos Dias
            Como Estas? Como Estas?
            Muy Bien Gracias, Muy Bien Gracias.
            Y Usted? Y Usted.

            Mooshie Mooshie Ano Nay
            Ano Nay, Ano Nay
            Mooshie Mooshie Ano Nay
            Aso Deska.

I know the Spanish and Japanese aren't spelled correctly but thought I would write the songs out phonetically for practicality.

     2. Calendar
         Sing to the tune of "Oh My Darling Clementine."

            There are 7 days, there are 7 days, there are 7 days in the week.
            Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
            
         We then go over the month, count the days of the month in English, Spanish and German and discuss the weather and seasons.

     3. Song:  If You're Happy And You Know It
     4. Book: Mister Seahorse by Eric Carle. 
         Before reading a book, we discuss who the author is, what an author does (writes the book), who the illustrator is and what the illustrator does (draws the pictures).  We then point out the spine of the book and how it holds the pages together just like the spine on our backs.  While reading the book, we take a lot of time to discuss the pictures and before turning the page, I ask what he thinks will happen next.

2. Reading Lesson
    I use the program Frontline Phonics. I used this program to teach my older 2 children to read when they were 3 and had fantastic success with it.  They were both reading fluently by age 4 and were both reading Harry Potter in 1st grade with 100% fluency and understanding.  So far, the 3 year old is doing great and is reading simple BOB books.
    After finishing the letter of the day, we then go around the house and label all objects we can find that start with that letter. For example, our letter for Tuesday is "R." We will place 3x5 cards around the house on objects such as: Radio, Rabbit Hutch, Restaurant (we have a play market stand).
     We then do a simple finger play. For the letter "R" our finger play is "12 little rabbits:"
         

“Twelve Little Rabbits”

Twelve little rabbits in a rabbit pen;

Two hopped away and then there were ten. (Hold up 10 fingers)

Ten little rabbits with ears up straight;

Two hopped away and then there were eight. (Bend down two fingers)

Eight little rabbits doing funny tricks;

Two hopped away and then there were six. (Bend down two fingers)

Two little rabbits found a new friend;

They hopped away, and that is the end.

3. Art

     Our art activity for today is painting "I'm Happy."

     On the easel, he will paint "I'm Happy." Today, I will have primary colored tempura paints with paint brushes for him to use.

4. Workbook

     My 3 year old absolutely loves workbooks so I let him do a few pages each day. Today he will do some pages out of the Giant Basic Skills workbook that I bought at Costco.  He will trace broken lines and color some pictures. 

That's it for preschool Tuesday, now on to the big boys.

This year, the boys will be attending a one day academy on Monday's.  They will be given assignments in English, Art, Science, Music and the 13 year old will also take his math class there.  I am a bit sad because I love teaching those subjects but I thought it would be good for them to be in an environment with the same children each week.  The academy is very open to what the children are interested in and also lenient in working with the parents as far as the amount of homework. 

At home, I will be continuing their education in the following subjects: Logic (13 year old), Critical Thinking (11 year old), History and Geography, Spanish/Latin/Greek, Religion, Typing, Controversial Issue (13 year old), PSAT (13 year old) and Math (11 year old).

Our school year is 30 weeks. Each child has a cubby with a folder of their assignments for each week. It is up to them when they do their assignments but everything has to be turned into me by Friday night so I can grade it over the weekend. 

Week 1:

Logic: The 13 year old is using Traditional Logic. It is part of the Clasical Trivium Core Series. 

Critical Thinking: The 11 year old is using Critical Thinking, book one by the Critical Thinking Co.

History and Geography: This year the 13 year old is studying 1850 to present.  He is starting the year memorizing The Gettysburg Address.  He is using History of the World as his primary text.  This week, he is also studying the Jackdaw portfolio of The Civil War. This portfolio is super cool, it includes documents such as: a letter from Lieutenant George Herbert of the Union artillery to his brother, a recruiting notice for a local volunteer force in Charleston from 1862, photographs, plus lot of other primary source documents that are very interesting. 

The 11 year old is studying the years 400-1600 this year. His primary text is also the History of the World.

For both children, each week they study about 5 pages from the text. Each page is full of a lot of information.  For each page they do the following: 1. Pick out 7-8 of the most important or most interesting facts. They have a history notebook in which they list the facts in one section. 2. On the wall above their desks, they each have a timeline. They write their facts on their timeline. 3. For each fact, they find it's location on the globe, in the atlas and on the wall map. 4. In their history notebooks, they outline each page from their text.   If they are also studying a primary source (like the civil war portfolio), they also have a section in their notebook where they have questions to answer about what they learned. 

Spanish:  This year, we are using Visual Link Spanish. I went through 2 other Spanish programs and think this is the best for us. It has a good mixture of conversational Spanish along with grammar, pronunciation and education.

Greek/Latin: We us English From The Roots Up. This is our second year using this program and the kids absolutely love it. They memorize Latin and Greek Roots and then use the root words to figure out what English words mean.  This is their favorite part of the day.  Each day, I put a new word on the white board for them to figure out.  They love solving the puzzle of each word and the sense of mastery they achieve when they figure out that they actually know what large, complicated sounding words mean. Today we will be reviewing roots from last year and the word for the day is: Thermotropism

Can you figure out what it means without cheating?

Religion: We use Lifepac Bible by Alpha Omega Publications

Typing: We are using Letter Chase Typing Tutor. The boys were so excited about this that they have finished the first few lessons and love it.

Controversial Issue:  Each week, the 13 year old researches a controversial issue. He writes down the pros and cons of each side and then decides on where he stands on the issue. He then presents what he learned to me and we discuss the topic. This week his issue is Standardized Tests.

PSAT: The 13 year old is using a PSAT study guide to prepare for the test. I help him figure out the solutions after he answers the practice questions.

Math: The 10 year old is using Teaching Textbooks. It is a computer program that also has a workbook.

That is it for week one!

            

A Day In The Life, continued

12:00 Pull up to the parking lot where the 10 year old should be arriving soon from his sleepover camp. The girl wakes up.  This is not good news. She normally takes a 3 hour nap. Since she had a short nap, this means she will be grumpy for the afternoon and will not go back to sleep. I change her diaper in the now 106 degree heat.

12:10 10 year old arrives, I am overjoyed at seeing him. I have missed him terribly (and not just because I had to take care of his animals while he was gone). He is casual and cool about seeing me but obliges my needing to hug and kiss him.  He proceeds to tell me every single detail of his camp experience.

1:00 Pick 13 year old up from his internship.  He is also casual and cool about seeing me (gotta love the teen attitude).   He does not mention the morning sidewalk fiasco. It is a silent agreement that it will not be spoken about again.

2:00 Arrive at the first library of the day. We have movies and books to return. I am hoping that the big kids can run inside to return them and get the books they have placed on reserve. That plan is quickly changed by the little kids, who insist on going in the library.  The 3 year old demands that I read him every single movie case before he decides on which movie to check out.  The girl picks a movie that is not appropriate so I gently remove it from her chubby little hands. She makes sure that the entire library can hear her voice her complaint about me removing the movie.  She then picks a new movie and refuses to let me see it.  She runs amok in the library with the movie held behind her back.  When the kind librarian says "hello" to the girl, the girl shrieks like a banshee and hides the movie under her dress. While this is going on, the 3 year old is attempting to choose between 2 movies; the riveting Curious George or Goodnight Gorilla. He finally decides, I think we are in the clear to leave but he then declares that it is time to choose a book.  The above scenario replays itself in the book section.  I change the girls' diaper in the now 107 degree heat.

2:30 Arrive at the second library (yes, we use 2 different libraries).  The same scenario replays itself yet again.

2:45 Home at last, I rush to throw a load of clothes in the laundry since the power company has asked its' users to conserve energy between 3 and 7. 

2:50 The girl and the 3 year old run into the laundry room, both yelling "Shaving Cream!"  The 3 year old has drawn all over himself and the girl with multi-colored markers and tells me it is their shaving cream.

3:00 While changing the girl's diaper, I keep smelling a terrible odor.  I thought it was her diaper, but no.  I then realize that I am still wearing the shirt with the poop on it from earlier in the day. Yuck. Gag reflex kicks in.

3:05 The 3 year old comes into my closet, where I am attempting to change my shirt without getting poop on my skin or hair. He has a pair of scissors in one hand and a clump of what I hope is his hair in the other hand. 

3:10 The 3 year old has decided to draw targets for his pretend gun shooting practice. He sits at his desk and makes 53 targets that require his usage of an entire roll of tape to place around the house.  The girl copy's him so we now have about 100 targets taped in a variety of places around the house. Luckily, they do not place a target on my rear. I take advantage of their feverish target making and manage to unpack 2 boxes. This is great progress considering we moved 3 months ago and I have only managed to unpack half of our boxes.

4:00 The girl is begging me to take her outside and push her in the swing.  It is 108 degrees outside. I am not going out.  She will swing for hours if I let her. I do not enjoy standing in the heat and melting while she is swinging.  I explain to her that while she is a native Texan, I am a native Californian and have not yet acclimated to the Texas heat and probably never will. Luckily, the big boys offer to take her out and push her and her brother on the swing.  I take advantage of their willingness to melt outside and I make dinner. 

4:30 A neighbor boy, we will call him "B" arrives at the house. I am surprised we have not seen him sooner since he tends to spend a great deal of time here. I don't mind because he is super nice and actually helps me with the little kids. I have also found that he does not mind doing chores for me! The 3 year old runs to him, yelling "B! You are here, I love you!"  Hmmm, I have never had that kind of reception from the 3 year old.

5:00 The 3 year old is getting restless.  Before others start getting hurt, I pull the mattress out of his room, prop it up against the couch and he goes wild charging into it over and over again. This keeps him occupied for the next 1/2 hour and the rest of the household is spared being charged into over and over again. Thanks for stepping up mattress!

6:00 My husband arrives home from work. He is exhausted, probably because he was fixing the pool pump and pouring concrete at 3:30 this morning. He allows the kids to use him like a trampoline until he can't take it anymore and we eat dinner.

6:30 We play games, read books and have a rare quiet and fun evening together as a family. The 13 year old teaches us a magic trick that none of us understood. The 10 year old does handstands. When things start getting a bit too wild, the big kids are sent outside to round up the animals and put them away for the night. They also empty the kitchen compost into the big composter outside and take out the recycling.

7:00 The girl is exhausted since she didn't have her full nap.  She cries during her bath while I attempt to get yellow marker out of the inside of her ear. She tries to climb into her crib. She is asleep in less than a minute.  One down, 3 to go.

8:00  The 3 year old is showing no signs of sleep coming anytime soon. I remember that he took a nap in the car earlier which means that there is no telling how long until he goes to sleep.  I am attempting to get some lesson planning done since our homeschooling year starts in a few weeks.  He snuggles up to me and asks me to read him some books. I can't resist and put everything aside. He has picked his current 2 favorite books: Henny Penny and The Snowy Day. I enjoy these books as well and have a good time reading them; the first 15 times. After that, I was done.  Anyone with little kids knows that they love the same stories over and over and over again. Joy.  The boy can tell that I am wearing down and he declares that he is ready for bed.  This is suspicious. 

8:30 My husband lays down on the floor in the 3 year old's room and within 5 minutes I hear him snoring. He is also blocking the door so the 3 year old cannot escape.  I pick up the house as best as I can.

9:30 All children are in bed, either asleep or pretending to be asleep. It doesn't matter to us as long as no one is asking us for another glass of milk, another snack, another book, to play monopoly for the 100th time, etc. We decide to watch a movie.

9:35 We are both sound asleep.

A Day In The Life

I thought I would give a glimpse into an average day in my life. Of course, there isn't an "average" day with 4 kids, homeschooling and all the animals but today is as close to average for me as it gets. 

3:30 a.m. Wake up hearing strange squealing noises in the backyard. Thinking a coyote or a fox is attacking the animals, I open the back door to see the house pig gleefully running in the sprinklers. Very strange, I don't know why the pig is outside since I saw the 13 year old let it in before he went to bed. Also notice someone lurking behind the pool house. It is my husband. He woke up and instead of going back to sleep, decided to fix the pool pump so we can actually swim in the pool before summer ends. He also poured some concrete for a slab to something that is important but I have no idea what it is for since it is the middle of the night.

5:30 a.m. Husband leaves for work. He is made lunch for the 13 year old to take to his internship so hooray, one less chore for me!

6:30 a.m. Wake up with a pair of little feet lounging on my face. It is the 3 year old, he usually sleep walks himself into my bed at some point in the night. I'm not sure what time he fell in bed with me but at least his feet are clean.

7 a.m. I wake up the 13 year old and ask him why the house pig was outside at 3:30 a.m. The 13 year old is confused and amused because he thought it was 6 a.m. when he let the pig outside and fed her breakfast (6 a.m. is the usualy time the pig insists on being fed and going out for her morning routine).
Put the laundry in the dryer that I washed the night before since the 3 year old insists on wearing the same Superman shirt and cape every day.

7:10 a.m. The girl wakes up (she is 22 months old). I hear her happily exclaiming that she has poop.  Hooray, I get to change a poopy diaper first thing in the morning. She insists on getting dressed, and I comply even though I know that I will most likely have to change her clothes again before we leave since she refuses to wear a bib and is notorious for making a mess with her breakfast.

7:20 a.m. I go outside to help the 13 year old with the animals since his 10 year old brother is away at sleepover camp. Taking care of the animals includes:
Letting the rabbits out and giving them food, water, hay and a block of previously frozen ice. Empty their litter pan into the compost bin. Inspect the hole they are attempting to dig to China. They have not gotten very far since our lot has about 3 inches of soil then solid rock. Happy digging rabbits!
Letting the goats out and giving them food and clean water. Adult goat wants some attention so I stop to pet him a bit and give him encouraging words about tolerating the heat and to please eat the poison oak growing behind the garden.
Letting the ducks out and giving them food and clean water. Ask the ducks to please stop trying to swim in the goat's water because it becomes a disgusting mess every day. The goats prefer clean water (who would blame them?)
Letting the chickens out and giving them food and clean water. The teenage chickens are still not talking to the younger chickens but since being moved and having an entire acre to scratch around in, at least they are no longer bullying the little chickens.  The little chickens and the ducks have formed an alliance and let each other in on the great hiding places around the yard when they feel threatened by the teenage gang.
Check the pumpkin vines that I planted the previous morning. The girl helps check the vines by trampling on most of them and attempting to dig up a few.  We have wild rabbits in our yard and I have been nervous about them eating my garden. So far, they have left it alone but I am still trying to convince the big kids to make a robotic scarecrow.
Giving the cats food and water and changing their litter boxes. Putting the adult cat's food up in the bathroom cabinet so the kittens don't eat it and get sick (the adult cat gets fed at night).  Putting the kittens food up on a high bin where they can jump to eat it but the pig cannot reach it. The pig is not happy about this and spends a great deal of time trying to figure out how to fly up to the bin and eat the food (maybe he should borrow the 3 year old's cape?)
Give the fish pellets.

7:40 a.m. Take a kitten out of the washing machine, where the 3 year old has put her for "a bath mama." Argue with little kids about them wanting to play outside but we have to leave in 15 minutes so there isn't time. They do not understand. Practice meditation while continuing chores.

7:42 a.m  While I am in the laundry room, I wash the cloth diapers and hang them on the line to dry. The pig tries to nibble my toes.

7:45 a.m. Feed breakfast to everyone. Yogurt with raspberries, blackberries and granola.

7:50 a.m Put little kids on their potty's before it is time to leave. 3 year old says that Superman does not go potty. Using my excellent parenting skills, I tell him that if he doesn't go poo then he will have to stay home alone with the coyotes. He is deathly afraid of coyotes so he promptly poops.  Hey, put that in the parenting books!  The girl tinkles in her potty and then with the speed of a child twice her age, puts her hand in and splashes around.  Fighting my gag reflex, I wash her off and practice meditation.

7:55 a.m. Change the girl's outfit since she has predictably made a mess eating breakfast.

8:00 a.m. Hastily get the 3 year old dressed, he is upset because he wants me to "touch up" his toenail polish. There is no time for male pedicures this morning (medicures?), throw some snacks and sippy cups in a bag and load the family in the car.

8:10 a.m. Leave to take the 13 year old to his volunteer internship at the Children's Museum. We are 10 minutes late in leaving the house. He has forgotten to brush his teeth.  I actually have some little portable toothbrush things called Brushups in my car console. I am feeling pretty good that I actually am prepared for this situation! I then wonder if I brushed my teeth and when the last time I took a shower might have been.

9:00 a.m. Amazingly get the 13 year old dropped off on time. I accidentally think that the sidewalk is a driveway and proceed to drop him off RIGHT IN FRONT of the museum before I realize that it wasn't a driveway and that I am parked on the sidewalk in downtown Austin.  The 13 year old is rightfully humiliated and the 3 year old calls me a "dumb sh.."  He is correct.

9:05 a.m. Pull over on the side of the freeway because the 3 year old decided he didn't like his snack and spit it out all over his carseat. He is now throwing a huge fit because his chewed up snack is all over his carseat and himself. I clean it with some wipes and away we go. Practice more meditation while driving since both children are now screaming for the same book.

9:15 Practice mediation while the little kids scream because the 3 year old wants the sun roof open and the girl wants it closed.

9:30 a.m. Pull up to YMCA. Give the 3 year old a "brushing." Google Sensory Integration Disorder Therapies to know what "brushing" means. Pretty much, it allows me to leave him in the child care without worry of him hurting himself or others.

9:45 a.m. Yes! Time for me! Pilates class!  I am sculpting my body and loving every minute of it! The instructor directs us to hold onto our feet or ankles. I wonder if my holding onto my knees will count.  Need to work on flexibility.

10:45 a.m. Leave pilates. Pick up children from child care and the girl has a black eye. Apparently it was an accident that happened when another child stood up quickly.  The girl doesn't seem upset and we don't have any important family pictures to take anytime soon so all is good.

10:50 After struggling to get the girl to the car because she refuses to hold my hand in the parking lot, I proceed to change her diaper in the back of the car while it is now 100 degrees outside. I realize that I forgot the wet bag for her cloth diaper and have to scrounge around the car to find a piece of paper to lay the diaper on until we get home. While simultaneously trying to put a clean diaper on the girl and find something to put the diaper on, I get poop on my shirt.  I do not have a change of clothes.  Oh well, must stay in poop shirt until I get home.

11:00 a.m. My gas tank is on empty so I pull over to get gas. Argue with the 3 year old because he insists that it is his "job" to wash everyone's windshield's. While it is absolutely adorable to myself and the strangers in other cars when his little arm reaches up to clean the bottom 1/3 of their windows, it is also very dangerous in such a large gas station so I veto it today.  While at the gas station, I decide to treat myself to a Diet Dr. Pepper. It is my guilty pleasure. I know I need water but love the nasty chemicals so I put the money in the machine and out comes....an empty bottle.  Maybe someone is trying to tell me to give up the cola.

11:20 Practice meditation while the girl screams in the backseat and I have no idea what it is that she wants. She yells "geez eee sooosh!"  I offer her the book, food, drink, music, nothing works.

11:25 Both the girl and the 3 year old are passed out asleep.  Peace!

To be continued.......